Broken
by Phantom of a Rose
Summary: Kurt has lost everything. But in that moment where you have nothing, can you gain it all back in different ways? AU after "Grilled Cheesus" Character death. Kurtofsky


**This is my first Kurtofsky fic! I just had an idea and had to go with it…you might hate me, though, before the beginning. Let's just say that this is severely AU, starting at the end of "Grilled Cheesus". **

**GLEE**

Kurt clutched at his dad's hand. He looked so frail in the hospital bed. It had been almost a week and Kurt still couldn't get over seeing his dad so pale and immobile. Kurt hummed "Hold Your Hand" under his breath.

"Knock knock?"

Kurt's head jerked up at the voice. It was a small girl in the doorway of his dad's hospital room. "Hi," she said. Her voice was low. "I hope I'm not interrupting."

There were a lot of things Kurt could have said. All of them were more rude and sarcastic then the last. But Kurt found that he was tired. "No," he said with a sigh. "Did you want something?"

The girl walked into the room slowly. "You're Kurt Hummel, right?" He nodded. "I'm Lucy Jordan. I thought I recognized you from school. Your fashion sense makes me green with envy on a daily basis."

Kurt wasn't expecting that. He floundered at the compliment. "Oh…thanks," he said.

Lucy smiled sadly. "I saw your friends here the other day," she said softly. "I noticed you got upset with them for praying for your dad."

Kurt frowned. He hoped this wouldn't be yet another person telling him what he should believe, because Kurt was really sick of it. He hadn't really minded church with Mercedes, because it was actually comforting to know that a roomful of people cared for him even though they didn't know him, but he still wasn't going to believe if he didn't want to.

"Don't worry," she said, reading his mind. "I won't pull out a bible and thump you with it. I swear." Lucy hesitantly sat down in the chair next to him. "But I can be here to talk to you. If you need it. I know friends can be good for support, but sometimes they can be too overbearing. Strangers can be…better in some ways."

"Why?" asked Kurt with a frown. "Why would you want to hear about my sob story? And how much do you hang out at the hospital if you saw my friends yesterday and me today? You go room to room looking for broken cases?"

"My mom is on the floor above this one," she said in a calm voice. "She's dying from cancer. She can't be at home anymore, so she's here to live out whatever time she has left." Lucy shrugged. "I don't like to be in the room when she's sleeping, so I roam around."

Kurt felt like an idiot. Here was a girl who was in the same situation as he was, although it sounded like her mom was going to die. With his dad, it was up in the air.

"Oh," said Kurt. Silence followed.

"How can you say that so calmly?" he finally asked.

"My mom's had cancer for years," Lucy said. "We always knew that it would kill her one day. You have to come to terms with it sometime." Then Lucy paused, as if wondering if she should say what she said next. "And I know that when she does die, she'll be somewhere better then here."

Kurt chuckled. A dry chuckle without real feeling. "I thought you weren't gonna bible thump me?"

"I'm not," she shrugged. "But that's why I'm ok with her dying. I'll miss her…but she'll be better off."

"How can you know?" Kurt found himself asking. He didn't really want to get into this kind of conversation, but he couldn't stop himself. "How do you know that a magical place with clouds and harps and babies flying around really exists?"

"I just do," she said. "I believe. I have faith. I might not be able to see God or anything, but I still have faith that he's there." Lucy shrugged. "But like I said, I'm not here to preach. I just thought you might need someone to talk to."

"Well let's just say that God does exists," said Kurt, his anger bubbling to the surface. "And hell, let's say Heaven does too, I guess I'm not going to it. It's not a gay bar, I've heard, so I guess I get denied at the door, right?"

Lucy frowned at him. "No," she said. "I don't believe that." She hesitated again. "I have this belief and some people agree and others completely disagree, but I'm gonna believe it till the day I die and God either proves me wrong or right." Lucy took a deep breath. "I don't think gay people are automatically going to Hell. God loves us," she said softly. "He loves everyone he made - why would he make them gay and then force them out of Heaven?"

Kurt laughed again. Short. Humorless. "That's what I said. I didn't choose this," he said pointedly.

"I know," she said. "There's this verse…Psalm 139. It talks about how God made all of us and saw all our days before they happened. That is what made me realize that you don't choose what you are; God made you that way. Then that lead me to the realization that God made us and loves what he made us. Now, if he made you gay, he loves you for that, right?" Kurt stared at this girl. She continued on, not really expecting an answer from him.

"If he loves you, and made you this way, why would he deny you Heaven if you wanted it?" She blushed. "And here I am, bible thumping. Sorry."

"It's…it's ok," said Kurt softly. "So you're a Christian?" Lucy nodded. "And you don't care that I'm gay?"

"No," she said, shrugging. "I have this friend…he's…well, he's gay, but in the closet. I've been his friend since we were kids, you see, and I'm the only one that knows he's gay. He only just told me a few months ago." Lucy sighed and adjust herself in the uncomfortable hospital chair. "That's why I looked into all that stuff. I was scared. He goes to the same church that I do and he really does believe in God. We were both scared that he…that he wouldn't get to go to Heaven."

Kurt looked at Lucy for a long moment. It was strange, to know that this religious girl in front of him was so accepting. Quinn, who was the most religious girl he knew, was his friend, but he knew that she didn't exactly accept him as a gay man. He noticed her long glances of disappointment.

"This is refreshing," he said quickly. "A Christian who isn't an idiot." Lucy laughed, taking the slight jab in stride.

"Christians, as well as any religious people, are human like everyone else. That means some of us are idiots. Like all humans." She rolled her eyes.

Kurt found himself spilling his secrets to this girl he had just met. He told her about the last thing he had said to his father; how he had been mad and bratty to him. He told her that he was scared. He had already lost his mom; he didn't want to lose another parent.

Lucy listened. She didn't judge or say any crap about God or the Bible or Heaven. Kurt hadn't been able to tell Mercedes these things. They were so personal. Kurt wasn't sure why telling a stranger was better. It was probably because she wasn't judging him.

"I better get going," Lucy said an hour later. "My mom will be waking up soon." She stood and placed a kiss on Kurt's cheek. "I hope things get better. No matter what happens, ok?" Kurt nodded, working on cleaning his face of tears. "See you in school."

And then she was out the door.

A few hours later, Kurt was trying to focus on his French textbook. He still had homework to do, even though some teachers were sympathetic to his situation. Suddenly, frantic sounds started going off, coming from his dad's heart monitor. Kurt's head jerked up just as his dad's eyes snapped open.

"Dad!" Kurt stood up quickly and grabbed his dad's hand. "You're awake!" Tears were already welling up in his eyes.

"Kurt?" asked his dad, his voice hoarse.

"Daddy, I'm so sorry for what I said. I love our dinners on Friday, I just…" Kurt started crying.

"Kurt…" said his dad. Then his other hand, not in a death grip by Kurt, flew to his chest. The heart monitor was going crazy again. Kurt was panicking.

"Dad!" he screamed. He was dimly aware that the sound of heavy footsteps were working down the hall. Coming to help.

Burt suddenly tensed up. He looked up at Kurt's eyes, still clutching his chest, making his knuckles go white. "I love you," said his dad in a tight voice. "So…proud."

"I love you." Kurt's broke a few times.

A tight smile was on Burt's face when the heartbeats on the monitor started to slow. His eyes fluttered shut. Then the monitor had that piercing one-tone that Kurt had heard many times before, especially on Grey's Anatomy, but it never actually _meant _anything to him then.

The doctor and some nurses rushed in. One nurse pulled him away from his dad. The others worked on the prone body of Burt, trying to get his heart restarted.

It didn't happen.

Time meant nothing to him. How much time actually had passed? Kurt didn't know. Soon, though, he found himself in some thin arms. Kurt clung to them. After a while, Kurt realized it was Lucy. Kurt found he didn't care. He just cried. He was sure that she was, too.

Another unknown time later Kurt changed hands. Carole had arrived. She was tear stained, like Kurt. They gripped each other tightly. Kurt knew how much Carole loved his dad. Probably as much as Kurt.

He couldn't be gone, thought Kurt. This couldn't happen twice in his life. This gaping pain was throbbing in his chest. It was like the first time, but worse.

This couldn't happen.

….

A few days later, Kurt attended to funeral. He was dressed in an all black suit. Mercedes held his hand throughout the whole thing. Finn sang Burt's favorite song. He had always told Kurt that he wanted it sung when he croaked. It made Kurt cry more than anything else.

Kurt said goodbye as they lowered the casket in the ground. Carole put an arm around him, pulling him to her body. He clutched at her. Finn had a comforting hand on his shoulder. He was crying, too, which was probably the worst. Kurt forgot how much Burt had become his father.

Afterwards, they returned to the Hummel house. Kurt went to his room and collapsed in his bed.

In Burt's will, which he had updated only a month ago, he had given Carole custody of Kurt if anything happened to him. In the Will, it said that Carole would be becoming his wife soon (hopefully). He had been planning on proposing to Carole.

When Kurt and Carole had found the ring box with a simple, yet beautiful, ring in his room, Carole had cried for an hour. Kurt let her sniffle into his shoulder.

Kurt hadn't wanted to leave his house and it was much bigger than the Hudson family's. He and Carole had talked about maybe selling Carole's house. For now, that could wait, but Carole and even Finn had been staying at the Hummel home.

Kurt was glad that his dad had updated his will, because if he hadn't Kurt would have had to go into foster care or something just as horrible. Though he wondered if Burt someone knew he was going to die soon. Some sort of sense, because why else would he have done it a month ago?

Kurt turned on his side, sliding his hand under his pillow. He kicked his shoes off on the ground and tried to sleep.

It was quieter at home now, though there were not three inhabitants. There was no sounds of a sports game from upstairs, or Burt trying to fix something in the house, curses and bangs following. He could heart Finn trying to drown out the world in his video game, but that was all. He was sure Carole was in his dad's room, crying.

They all dealt with this in different ways.

Kurt started crying again. He shut his eyes tightly, wanting sleep.

…..

Kurt returned to school a week after his dad's death. Everyone he saw stared at him, gaping and embarrassed when he caught their eye. None of the jocks bullied him upon his return. Some even looked sadly at him in the hall. He was sure this was only a temporary truce. Who would want to pick on the gay little orphan boy?

When walking down a hallway after third period, he ran into Lucy. She hugged him without saying a word. She didn't say "I'm sorry" like everyone else had been saying. (Kurt hated that. What did they have to apologize for? And how was Kurt suppose to respond?)

She put a soft hand on his cheek for a moment, smiling sadly. A few tears leaked out of his eyes and she wiped them away. He smiled at her, too.

Then the warning bell rang and the parted ways. Kurt felt strangely better.

….

It was a horrible next few weeks.

There were times when Kurt felt like things were getting back to normal. He and Rachel still bickered during Glee practice, battling for solos. Puck still hit him lightly on the back of the head sometimes, a small grin on his face.

Other times, though, Kurt would suddenly crash. The sadness would take over him, leaving a gapping hole in his chest. He would cry for hours. Sometimes Carole would find him. They would cry together. Other times, Finn would stumble across him and awkwardly comfort him, a few tears coming from his eyes.

He was right about the jocks. A few of the more mean ones were throwing slushies in his face with the other Glee members within a week. That was almost good. It meant things should be normal again. It wasn't, though. Not entirely.

He talked to Lucy a few times. She was just as nice as in the hospital. They talked about his dad sometimes. He told her how horrible it felt to not see him everyday. He had even told her about the last words he had been able to say to his dad, and his to Kurt.

"That's good," she said firmly. "It's good that you had that, instead of the conversation you had in the garage, right?" Kurt couldn't argue with this.

It was three weeks later and Kurt was still struggling. He still had the bad moments, along with the some what normal, good ones. Kurt was at his locker when Ms. Pilsberry appeared at his side.

"Kurt," she said, out of breath. Kurt was suddenly reminded of that day when she and Mr. Shue appeared in his French class, taking him to the hospital. Kurt's blood ran cold. Something can't have happened to Carole. Life couldn't be that cruel.

"Your friend, Lucy, called," Ms. Pilsberry said.

Lucy? Wondered Kurt.

"It's her mother…" said Ms. Pillsberry, trailing off.

Kurt's heart sunk.

Just a while later, Kurt was at the hospital. Again. He was rushing to where a nurse had pointed him. Lucy was sitting in a chair, tears falling down her face silently. She wasn't hysterical, as he had been. Just broken.

Kurt fell to his knees in front of her and pulled her into a hug. She gladly melted into his warmth and cried. Carole came by later, a comforting hand placed on Lucy. It was so similar to last time. Kurt didn't like it.

Lucy had only ever known her mom. Her dad had left before she was born. Carole was offering to take her in, but Lucy was calmly explaining that her grandmother had moved here from Colorado to watch her. "She's at work now," said Lucy. "She'll be here soon."

They waited until Lucy's grandmother came to get her. Kurt hugged her tightly and gave her his number. It was time to repay her for everything she had done over the last few weeks.

….

Kurt didn't want to attend another funeral. Not the third in his life, second in less than a month, but it was Lucy and Kurt felt like he should.

It was a very religiously centered service. Burt's hadn't been. Just a time to say goodbye. Kurt found himself wearing his all black suit again and arriving at Lucy's church with Carole and Finn by his side. They awkwardly shuffled inside. Kurt spotted Lucy and hurried over to her. He hugged her. He didn't say anything. Especially not "I'm sorry."

"Thanks for coming," she said softly. "I know you probably don't want to come to church."

Kurt shrugged. "If some of the people here are half as accepting as you are, maybe I wouldn't mind church so much." Lucy smiled at him.

"Lucy, the service is starting soon." Kurt looked up as a person appeared at Lucy's side.

It was Dave Karofsky, one of Kurt's tormentors at school. Kurt stiffened at the sight if him. It had been him you had spoken, so softly. His voice was different than when he roughly threw slurs at Kurt.

Lucy smiled up at Karofsky, he was so tall and she was so little, and said, "Thanks, Davie." She looked back at Kurt, a little awkward. "I think you know Dave, right Kurt?"

Everyone knew that Karofsky and the other jocks bullied Kurt and the other Glee members. Lucy didn't get much bullying. She wasn't a loser, but she wasn't popular.

"Uh, yeah," coughed Kurt.

Karofsky frowned at Kurt. "Hi," he said awkwardly. Then he slipped his arm through Lucy's. Lucy grabbed Kurt's hand as they walked to the front row of chairs. Carole and Finn had settled into a back row.

Lucy sat in between Kurt and Karofsky, which Kurt was glad for. Though Karofsky didn't seem to say anything bad to him now. Maybe even he had some decency not to harass him at a funeral. Or at church.

As the service began, Lucy's pastor saying a few words, Kurt realized that among all the jocks that had started bullying him again after his dad's death, Karofsky wasn't one of them.

Huh, that was strange. Karofsky was usually the first to push Kurt around.

Kurt listened intently on the rest of the service. A few people talked about Lucy's mother, even Lucy. Kurt hadn't been able to speak at his dad's funeral. He'd been too scared. He almost wished he had….

Something happened. The service was almost over, but suddenly Kurt was overran by these horrible feelings. He felt like he was back at his dad's funeral. Like he was back at his mother's funeral. He hated it. He felt like a little kid again.

He let go of Lucy's hand and sent her an apologetic look. Then he stood and walked quickly out of the large church, into a back hallway. It was empty. Kurt kept walking into another hallway, then opened a room. There were couches all around it with a few Tvs and a stereo.

Kurt collapsed onto the nearest couched and started crying silently. This was too much. Too much for a teenage heart.

"Are you ok?" Kurt jumped and looked to the door. Karofsky was standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"What do you want?" The words came out harsher than Kurt meant them too. Karofsky walked in slowly.

"Lucy sent me. She thought you might need someone to talk to. She couldn't leave, obviously," explained Karofsky. He had made it to the couch. He sat on the opposite side of it and turned to face Kurt.

Kurt frowned. "How can you and Lucy be friends? She's so…and you're so…"

Karofsky chuckled. "She's nice and I'm an ass?"

"Well, yeah," said Kurt, a little embarrassed.

"We've been friends since we were little," said Karofsky.

"But I've never seen you together," said Kurt.

"We run in different crowds," said Karofsky slowly. "It's hard to hang out in high school when that happens. But we're still friends. Just…not really in school."

A heavy silence flooded over them. Kurt had thankfully stopped crying. He wiped his face off with a hanky and then stuff it back in his pocket.

"So, why are you being nice to me, Karofsky?" asked Kurt. "You haven't even called me a fag yet. And I guess there really aren't any lockers to push me against. Oh, and I suppose slushies aren't usually found at funerals."

Karofsky flinched. "I'm trying to be nice…because Lucy likes you. She won't stop talking about how nice you are." He frowned. Kurt raised an eyebrow at him. Then it hit him.

"Is that why…is that why you haven't done anything to me since…"

That was the thing. Besides when he was talking to Mercedes, Lucy or Carole and Finn, Kurt couldn't really say the words out loud. "_Since my dad died_." It shouldn't be so hard to say.

Karofsky understood, though.

"You don't push a kid who's just lost the only bit of his family he had left," said Karofsky. "And Lucy kinda begged me not to push anyone around anymore, especially you. She always hated me doing that, anyway. The bullying."

Kurt stared at him in awe. "Oh my god, Lucy's got you whipped."

Karofsky let out a booming laugh. He had a toothy grin after he stopped. "I have to say that this is more true than I care to admit."

"Is she your girlfriend?"

Karofsky choked on his laugh. "Lucy? No way."

"Oh. Ok then," said Kurt awkwardly.

They were sitting in silence for a long time. Well, it wasn't that long, but it felt like a while when you were in a room with your tormentor and he wasn't doing anything.

"About your dad," blurted out Karofsky suddenly. "I know how it…I know it is. I lost my mom three years ago." Were those…tears in Karofsky's eyes? "And I know that you lost your mom too so it's definitely worst but…" Karofsky hesitated. "Look, I know I've been a jerk to you all your life and this probably won't mean a thing to you but…you can, you know, talk if you ever need it. And Lucy, of course, but you knew that."

Kurt just stared at Karofsky in shocked silence. If you had told Kurt a month ago that he would be sitting on a couch with Karofsky and not be in pain or something and that they were having a civil (nice?) conversation, he would have laughed in your face. Maybe even called for Mrs. Pilsberry. It was hard to believe that this was real.

"I don't get it, Karofsky," said Kurt finally. "I get that Lucy told you to be nice, but you don't have to actually talk to me to fulfill that promise. Just don't talk to me or throw me into lockers, right?" Kurt frowned, looking at him thoughtfully. "Just because I'm friends with Lucy and you're friends with her too, doesn't mean we have to be friends."

Karofsky stared at him for a long moment. "Call me Dave," he finally said.

"What?"

"Dave. That's my name."

"I know that."

"You're still calling me Karofsky. I'll call you Kurt. Not Hummel or fag or lady boy. Just Kurt."

Kurt couldn't believe what was coming out of Karofsky's mouth right now. It was as if this person in front of him was wearing a Karofsky suit, but he was like, a different person inside it.

"Dave." Kurt found himself testing out the name. Karofsky - Dave - smiled, actually smiled.

"You still didn't answer my question," said Kurt firmly. "Why are you going to the trouble? For Lucy?"

"No, not just for Lucy," said Dave slowly. He hesitated. "Is it really that strange that I want to be your friend?"

"Want? As in, of your free will?" asked Kurt. "Friend?" He tried out the word, in context to him and Dave. It just didn't seem…right.

"Yeah," pouted Dave. "Sorry if the thought repels you so much."

"Hey, don't you try to make me feel guilty. You're the one that's been calling me names for years and bullying me every chance you get. That's why it's so hard to accept this friendship you're offering. It's such a far stretch from what you've done." Kurt was getting angrier. "You hate me because I'm gay. It's not like that's gonna change, you know. God, I thought being Lucy's friend would make you a bit more accepting, you know?"

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, which made Kurt pause with his mouth hanging open. "I'm sorry for all the stuff I've done. I was confused and angry and really stupid. And you're right, Lucy is amazing and she's done so much for me even when I've hated myself. I should be a better person because I know her. And I try, you know. Or at least, I am now." Dave looked down at his hands. "And I don't…I don't hate you."

"Oh really," said Kurt sarcastically. "I guess I mistook all those slushies to the face and shoves has a token of your love. My mistake."

"What if it was?" asked Dave quickly.

"Was what?"

"A token of my love?" Dave flinched. "Oh crap, that sounded cheesy."

Kurt stared at Dave as if he had grown two heads. "Excuse me?"

"What if, you know, it was like when we were kids and if a guy liked a girl he would pull on her braid and be mean to her and stuff?" Dave's eyes were wide. "And maybe he was just mean to her because he was confused because he'd never liked anyone before and his sudden attraction to her scared the crap out of him? What if this little kid hated himself for liking the other because it didn't feel right…only it did feel right. More right than anything the kid had ever know before?" Dave's eyes flickered from Kurt's face to a spot on the wall behind his head.

"Dave what are you saying, I -"

Kurt stopped short. He was suddenly remembering that day in the hospital, a few hours before his dad had died. He had met Lucy. They had that conversation about God. The conversation that had Kurt still doubting if his original idea about God and Heaven and spirituality was really right. Even though his dad had died, and Kurt was thinking that if there was a God, he wouldn't be happy with him for a long time, Lucy existed. Lucy and her amazing thoughts about being gay and still being able to be a Christian or whatever existed. If she existed, others must too, right?

And that was what Kurt was remembering. When Lucy had told him about why she had looked into stuff like being gay and Christian. _"I have this friend…he's…well, he's gay, but in the closet. I've been his friend since we were kids, you see, and I'm the only one that knows he's gay."_

Kurt remembered Lucy's face when he told him this. It was pained and worried, but there was that flicker in her eye when she mentioned this friend. It was complete love.

Kurt remembered that flicker of love in her eye when Dave had suddenly appeared at her side earlier today.

"What the hell?" blurted Kurt. "Are you telling me that you're the friend? _You're _the freaking friend who's - who's -" Kurt couldn't bring himself to say it.

Dave turned his eyes to the ground. "She said she had mentioned me. In passing."

Kurt gawked at Dave. He suddenly stood up. "You're _gay_?"

Dave's head jerked up and his eyes went fearfully to the door. No one busted in holding a crucifix and holy water (ok, that probably wasn't right for this church, but still) so he looked back at Kurt. "I, uh…" Dave frowned. "Look. I can't really say it yet. I just…can't." He looked tired.

Kurt's world had spun on its head. The guy who had bullied him for ages about his sexuality was gay himself? It had all been some elaborate way to cover it up? To hide his true feelings?

True feelings for Kurt?

Oh. _Oh_.

"Are you that little boy?" Kurt's voice was high and shrill. He hadn't meant it to be. "And I'm the, what "girl" on the play ground?" Kurt used air quotes.

Was that a blush on Dave's face? Oh my god, it was. He muttered something. Kurt asked for him to speak up. "If you want to stick with that analogy, then yeah."

Kurt slowly processed this information. Went over what Dave had said before. He got pass the stuff about picking on someone because they liked them (it still didn't make sense and made him angry. That boy shouldn't be pulling the girl's braids. It wasn't right) and then moved on to the next bit.

Oh. He realized what Dave had said.

"You hated yourself?" he said quietly. Kurt had only felt that way about his sexuality once, a few years ago. It was a low point. From that moment on, Kurt vowed that this was who he was and he was going to embrace it.

Dave didn't look him in the eye. "You didn't come from a Christian background, Kurt. I was told all my life that a man and woman are meant to get married. It's not natural for guys to like guys. It's a sin. All that stuff. It wasn't until Lucy did her "research" and praying that I actually feel some what hopeful that God might actually still love me."

For one, it was strange to hear Kurt's first name on Dave's lips. Secondly, Kurt was suddenly sad. He and Lucy took this God and Heaven thing so seriously. Kurt had actually started to admire Lucy and her faith. She believed what she believed and wouldn't be wavered, like Kurt and his belief system, whatever that was. They were the same in many ways.

Kurt tried to imagine growing up, knowing you were gay, when all sorts of people, even in your on home, told you it was wrong. Punishable by something worse than death. With is dad, it had been almost easy.

Dad.

"Do you…do you still hate yourself?" asked Kurt softly. He was still standing.

"Some days," said Dave.

"You shouldn't," said Kurt fiercely. "If you are gay then embrace it. You've got Lucy and her love and faith that you're still loved by God, if he does exist. With someone like Lucy, you shouldn't hate yourself. And besides, enough people in this world already hate you because of who you are; you don't need to have that hate on the inside, too."

Dave just looked at him for a long moment, then stood so he was facing him. "So now you're trying to be nice to me? Even after all the crap I did to you?"

Kurt squirmed a little. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"Lucy isn't telling you to, you know," Dave said, a teasing smile on his face.

"I do what I want."

Kurt just stared at Dave for a long moment. Maybe he could get used to being on friendly terms with this guy. He seemed nice when he wasn't being all angry and mean.

"I just can't believe it," said Kurt. "You're gay." Dave looked around awkwardly. "Oh, sorry. I guess you still aren't comfortable with that out loud, right?"

"I'm trying," said Dave slowly. "I try to tell myself that I have to get used to it sometime. If I'm ever going to -" Dave suddenly cut off, looking at Kurt, his face reddening. Kurt's face got hot, too, but then Dave was moving on. "But then I think about actually coming out and the reactions at school and I just can't handle it."

Kurt frowned but didn't say anything. I guess it would be scary to know that everything that he had done to Kurt would probably be done to him, too, if people knew.

"But you…you want to come out?" said Kurt. His mouth was suddenly dry.

"Maybe. I mean, I know that I'll have to if I want…" Dave moved awkwardly from foot to foot. He was looking at Kurt. Kurt's heard was beating violently in his chest. This guy actually liked him. A lot, if what he said earlier had anything to say about that.

And then in a second Dave had stepped closer to him. He looked nervous. Really nervous. Probably as nervous has Kurt was feeling right now. Did he even want this?

In the end, Kurt didn't get to decide. Dave's lips were suddenly on his. They weren't rough. They were just…there.

It kinda felt nice.

It shouldn't feel nice.

This guy had made his life hell for years.

His lips, that used to spit out slurs, shouldn't feel so good.

Kurt was the one to separate from the kiss. He stepped back. Dave was looking at him, surprised at his own actions. Kurt held up his index finger, making sure Dave wouldn't speak. He had to process.

Ok, so Dave was gay. Dave Karofsky was gay. Ok.

Dave Karofsky liked him. A lot. Ok, moving on.

Dave Karofsky had just kissed him and he actually wouldn't mind kissing him some more.

That was when Kurt knew that this wouldn't be sorted out today.

"You're right," said Kurt suddenly. Dave jumped. "You're right to think that you can't have this," Kurt gestured at himself, trying his best to put his "bitch-please" face on. He was confident. Fierce. "Unless you do come out. I don't want any of that secret romance, forbidden love crap."

Dave frowned, but nodded. He had been expecting this.

"But," said Kurt slowly. "I'm not saying I didn't like that. The kiss." His face softened. "And I will definitely help you with whatever you need. If you need to talk about being gay and coming out, I'll talk. Make you more confident in who you are, maybe. Or, I can try."

Bitch face back on. "But even if you were to run out on the gym floor tomorrow at a peep assembly, wearing a rainbow and a sign that said "I'm Gay" in big letters while singing "Candyman" by Christina Aguilera, I probably wouldn't date you." Kurt crossed his arms in front of him. "I'm in pain, Dave. I'm confused and just lost my dad. I'm emotional and I don't want to make a decision that I'm going to regret, ok?"

Kurt took a deep breath and looked at Dave. He was nodding. "I…I like your terms." He paused. Smiled. "It would be nice to have someone to talk to. Lucy is understanding but…I do have questions…you know…"

Kurt nodded. "I'll do my best."

"Thanks, Kurt."

"There you are." Lucy was at the door, hands on her hips. "Come on, you goofs, we need to get back out there." Despite her words, she was smiling. Kurt wasn't sure how, but she knew what had happened between them.

"Of course, Lucy," said Dave, walking up to her.

"Whipped," coughed Kurt as he passed by him. Dave bumped into him, laughing.

"You know it," said Lucy, who laughed and walked out the door. Dave shrugged and followed after him, Kurt trailing after the both of them.

….

"I'm not so sure about Marc Jacob's new collection," said Mercedes with a sigh. "It just seems so…."

"I know exactly what you mean, Mercedes," said Lucy, nodding fiercely.

"I think the two of you are insane," said Kurt, opening his locker and shoving his French book inside.

"You have to admit," started Lucy.

"No. No I don't." Kurt was completely serious.

Mercedes and Lucy started talking about the pros and cons of pink as he looked for his binder. Kurt smiled a little. He was glad that Mercedes and Lucy got along. He was afraid that his best friend and his new friend wouldn't get along. They had hit it off from the first second he had introduced them a month ago.

Normalcy was returning to Kurt's life. Well, a new type of normalcy. Life would never be as it was before his dad died. It was dramatically different in so many ways. He had Lucy now. He was friends with Dave Karofsky.

Friends. With Dave Karofsky. Wow.

Kurt had kept to his promise. It had been slightly awkward at first to hang out with Dave on friendly terms. And to answer questions about being gay. Besides the confidence thing and telling Dave you just had to own who you were, damn what the world said, Kurt was just as clueless as Dave was.

"Look, I've never dated anyone," said Kurt one day. "I don't know about a physical side of a gay relationship anymore than I know about a straight one." Kurt was blushing. Dave was, too.

"Does that mean that…last week…that was your first kiss?" Dave looked anywhere but Kurt.

"Yes. Well, with a guy. I kissed Brittany but that doesn't really count." Dave laughed at the Brittany thing. Kurt couldn't live it down.

Kurt smiled at the memory. Though they couldn't really talk about the fears they both had about that side of being gay, they were making progress. Dave seemed much more confident lately. He could call himself gay in casual conversation around Lucy and Kurt, which was a step in the right direction.

"Hey Lucy," said Dave, walking up to the group.

That was another thing. Dave actually hung out with Lucy at school now. At first, other jocks made fun of him for it, but he didn't care, so they stopped. He had even started walking up to Lucy when she was with Mercedes and Kurt, a huge stretch.

"Hi, Davie," greeted Lucy. Mercedes nodded in his direction. She didn't really understand why Kurt had forgiven Dave. Kurt couldn't tell her the whole reason. He didn't want out Dave if he didn't want it.

"Hi, Kurt." Kurt looked up at Dave, confused. Dave had never really acknowledged Kurt in school for almost two months. It was something they didn't do.

"Oh," said Kurt. "Hi, Dave," said Kurt as politely as possible.

"So Kurt," said Dave, leaning up against the locker next to Kurt's. "I was wondering if you wanted to go to Breadstix tomorrow night with me?" Dave looked hopeful.

Kurt just stared at him. Lucy was smiling and Mercedes' mouth had dropped open in shock.

"What, like a date?" said Kurt, a smile working its way on his face. The shock wore off. He looked around. "Are you…sure? Breadstix is public."

"I told my dad today," said Dave quickly, looking at Lucy and Kurt.

"Davie, no way!" said Lucy. "How did he take it?"

Dave smiled, just a little. "Not horribly. At first, he refused to believe it. Then he went on a tirade saying that it wasn't right and that it was a sin. Then I told him what you had come up with, Lucy, and it sorta shut him up enough so I could tell him that I was what I am and I can't change it." He looked at Kurt and smiled. "He's still not sure, but at least he didn't kick me out like I thought he would."

"That's great, Dave," said Kurt, smiling. Then he looked around. "Look," he said in a whisper. "Coming out to your dad is one thing, but coming out in school is other."

Mercedes was speechless at this conversation. Kurt thought she might actually faint. She was just gaping at Dave.

"I know it is, Kurt," said Dave, completely serious. "But you know what, I'm tired of hiding. And I'm tired of waiting for you. You said that we couldn't even try a relationship if I wasn't out. Well, I want a relationship, or at least to try out one. And if that means coming out, then I'm coming out. Right now. But I'm not singing Candyman and I left my sign in my car," he laughed.

Kurt looked at Dave for a long moment. In the last month, Kurt admitted that he had developed a crush on Dave. This Dave was nice. He wasn't the bully he used to be and Kurt actually liked that.

And hey, Kurt always did have a think for jocks.

So what was he waiting for? He had liked the kiss, right? He felt more stable now, two months after his dad's death. He was sure that he could make big, emotional decisions without hating himself later.

Kurt grinned at Dave, leaned up on his toes and kissed Dave on the cheek. "You'll pick me up at seven. If you're late, you will be sorely bitched out. But none of that early crap, either. I have a set amount of time I need to get ready."

Dave was grinning from ear to ear. Lucy was squeaking, jumped up and down slightly. Mercedes was still shocked, but the happy look on Kurt's face made her smile despite it all.

"You don't know how happy that just made me," said Dave, still smiling. Then a devious smirk. There was one or two people that had seen Kurt kiss Dave on the cheek. They were staring, drawing the attention of other students. There was a mixture of students. Some cheerios and jocks, Finn and Rachel were walking down the hall talking to Mike and Tina. Plus a bunch of other students. Dave smirked and leaned down, kissing Kurt full on the lips.

Just a simple kiss, like their first. Nothing fancy or overly hot. Innocent.

Kurt heard a few gasps. It was quite dramatic, which Kurt's inner diva enjoyed. Dave parted from Kurt, still grinning. "I'll talk to you later, Kurt," he said, winking. Then he walked away, passing by Finn and waving. Finn just watched him pass, in awe. Whispers were breaking out all over the hall. Some students were running way to tell others while some got their phones out. Kurt was sure it would be all over the school by lunch in an hour.

Finn had locked eyes with Kurt. Kurt was sure he was going to have a bunch of explaining to do, but at that moment, he couldn't care less. He was mentally going through his closet, wondering what he wear on his date.

His date! Kurt never thought this day would come.

"You will explain this all to me, Kurt Hummel," said Mercedes firmly, as he idly thought about wearing a blue scarf or maybe no scarf at all. "But right now, all I want to do is help you plan your outfit."

"You know me so well," giggled Kurt. "And I need the help. Both of you. You're coming to my house after school. We have a little more than 24 hours and I have to look…"

"Hot," said Lucy with a mischievous grin.

"Yes," said Kurt proudly as we linked arms with Mercedes and then Lucy. "Hot. I'm going to look hot."

The three took off down the hall together. People stared at Kurt, but he didn't care. People whispered about him. He didn't care. People gawked when Dave sat down next to him at lunch. They didn't care. Dave boldly grabbed his hand on the way out of the cafeteria and one of Dave's jock friends hissed the word "fags" at the two of them. Dave flipped off the guy and then they didn't care.

So, thought Kurt absentmindedly as Dave walked him to his next class, kissing him on the cheek before saying goodbye. This was what it was like to walk down the hallway, holding hands with the person he liked.

Kurt could get used to it.

**FIN**


End file.
